Nathaniel Wyatt

This summer will be different somehow.

( Delivery for Ipsy. )

( Presents for Ava. )

( E-mail to Starbuck. )

( E-mail to Ada. )

This morning, I gazed outside my window and thought about stepping outside into the sunlight about three times. I wondered how long it would be before my flesh began to burn and being underneath the sun killed me. Although it was a depressed thought, scientific curiosity mingled with it as well. No doubt burning to death is just as painful as being turned, even if it is possible that my tolerance for pain has increased.

My thoughts now linger upon the mental health of the other students in the school and how they might be afraid to seek the guidance or just the listening ear they require. Despite us enrolling here, are we really receiving the acceptance we need? Surely we'd be more willing to be open with each other because we feel more comfortable here - however, being comfortable with oneself is still a slow process. I was comfortable with who I was before I became a vampire and when at last I started to accept myself as one, I received a painful blow to my self-esteem. It is better to be alone and I have begun to realize this. Helping others is my reward and the only one I deserve - I only hope that I can help lift the moods of those in need.

( Would you stop being a doctor? Jeez. Ruin my sappy moment )

I was going to leave, but I don't know where to go.

( Letter left for Frankie. )

( Your healing ability never fails to impress me. )

Damn, I do not believe it. Of all the things.

( Intrigue and happiness does not always equal rainbows and hearts. )

My fucking head. What an enlightening experience, knowing how easy it is to be manipulated by magic.

Making a new friend was the only benefit.

( I still wish I remembered. )

( E-mail to Starbuck. )

( So, are you an evil Bond or a good Bond? )

N.W. Notes: Tuesday, January 22, 2008.

My experiences as a fourteen-year-old trapped in an older man's body continue to be startling, but I must strive to learn more about myself. I spent some time rummaging through one half of the room in which I awoke and discovered peculiar facts.

Books: It is apparent this older version of myself has kept my love of books and science. He possesses several textbooks, some medical. After espying a couple more items for evidence, I have assumed I will be - am - a doctor. How incredible is that?!

Picture: A framed picture was on the dresser I had not seen until now. Apparently I met a celebrity who was playing a fairy in a film. She is stunningly beautiful.

Technology: The strangest was the phone - I had not touched it again since I used it yesterday, and there is this slab of plastic on a desk I do not think I want to touch.

I have no idea how to get home when I cannot walk outside in the daylight so I am stuck here. Worse of all is the need to drink blood. I miss eating potatoes, feeling substance in my stomach. I become hungrier than I ever have in my life if I miss drinking blood. Very strange.

The only good thing about this whole mess is I got to help a pretty girl and another one looked me over! This older me knew what he was thinking when he started to work out because I have muscles and am incredibly strong, more so than I ever thought possible. If Dan Tatum was here, I would punch him. If he taunted me again badly enough. No one has teased me here at all and I attribute it to being tall and buff.

I just need to think of what to do now. Which pretty girls can I help next?

( I think I will be blue. )

The power of balance has become more prominent in my life recently as I speculate more on the subject. My thoughts on this are not new in any way, yet it is necessary for me to write them somewhere quickly - though I am able to write quickly by hand, typing is easier and saves paper. Everyone has balances, two extremes between which they must live, instinct and cognition, hunger and satisfaction. If people are hungry, they are able to recognize they are hungry without that fact enveloping their entire being. Vampires resort to all encompassing hunger because they do not have enough blood in their brains to make any rational decision, although this is the conclusion I have reached on my own.

I became a vampire and I hated myself for the reduction of my hunger taking hold of me, because I was not able to control myself any other way. Now I think of it as a disability, a horrible limitation that somehow led me to meeting a few wonderful people I never would have met under normal circumstances. I cannot continue to enable my vampirism to rule as a limitation when I know I am better than that. This disability, disease, or limitation is no longer. I will open doors to possibilities because I have more time now.

Time. My life is extended. Strange how I fear death less now because I am technically already dead. I will make the life I should not be living wonderful by learning and loving more. After I learn Italian, I might try to play the piano, experiment with arts and crafts I never tried. I know I am no good with the artistic spectrum of things, but that should not stop me now. There are no longer any excuses. There is only the life I should live.

We found who has been harassing me (and Frankie) with the help of security and staff. An illusion demon girl, Jelena, who had a crush on Frankie and wanted both Vinnie and myself out of the way.

I don't even know what to think of that, but I am furious. At least justice is served.

( Private to Frankie. )

( It feels much better to have someone on my side. )